November
Fostering the Ability for Students to Self-Advocate
One of the qualities that successful students possess is the ability to advocate for themselves. While there are a number of strategies that we use both in and out of the classroom during the school day to help develop this important quality in our students, there are a number of steps that parents can take as well.
The first is to try to involve your child in decisions/situations that impact their school lives. While there is always a temptation to try to fix challenges that they are faced with, it is essential that they begin to learn how to solve their own problems. For example, if they fall behind in their schoolwork, or you (or they) believe that they deserved a better grade on an assignment, have your child see their teacher rather than contact her/him yourself - at least initially. The best thing that you can do is to give them the tools that will help empower them to solve their issues. One of the best strategies that you can use is to have you and your child role play how they might best interact with that teacher to have a positive interaction. Suggest ways that they can respectfully approach them, have them practice what they might say, and talk to them about proper responses to questions that they might be asked.
If your child finds it particularly nerve-wracking to approach a teacher, help them craft a letter that they can present to them. They will still benefit from the interaction and they will gain confidence that will allow them to do it unaided the next time. I can't tell you how much teachers appreciate when students see them with questions or concerns that they have - particularly when they so at the right time and in a respectful manner.
If you do need to meet with a teacher, have your child attend and actively engage in the meeting for at least part of the time. As children enter the middle school years, it is essential that they begin to be active participants in the conversation rather than sit on the sidelines while the adults are talking about them. Even though students will push back on this, I can't tell you how many times I have seen when a student, who initially disliked the idea of being present in a parent/teacher meeting, left that same meeting feeling positive (at least inwardly) and much happier when they came in.
Children aren't born self-advocates, we need to consciously help them develop the skills and qualities necessary to empower them. I still make the mistake of sometimes telling students to just go see the teacher if they have a question or problem - forgetting that that that is much easier said than done for the vast majority of students at this age level. So, the next time that you tell your daughter or son to see a teacher, first give them some explicit strategies that they might use before the interaction.
One of the best things we can do as educators and parents is to gently "stretch" our children so that they gain the confidence and the skills to become more independent. Working together to help children develop self-advocacy skills is an essential means toward that end.
